Penis Medicine

Evan had a bout of strep. He broke out in a rash and itched a lot. It included an itchy penis. Supposedly. I applied some anti-itch cream to said organ one night before he went to bed.

Evan recovered. He stopped itching. Vivian went away to camp. Jo and I were going to go to Tim's birthday party and Karen graciously asked Ava's sitter, Ms. Kat, sit Evan too. It was agreed that Evan and Ava would have a sleep over at Ava's.

That evening, as Karen was leaving her house (and Ava and Evan in Ms. Kat's care for the evening), Evan shouts from the front door:

"Karen - does Ms. Kat know that I need my penis medicine?"

I would have loved to see the expression on Ms. Kat's face. I hear it was something.

Evan was a tool in general. But Karen sent Jo this photo of Ava and Evan sleeping when we returned from Tim's party. Cuteness. It's what keeps him alive.

Evan's Craziness

With Vivian gone to camp, Evan's craziness became front and center. Jo finally had to tell me not to engage him in his irrational rants. Here are two examples.

One day Evan wanted crushed red pepper with his pizza. I put one tiny shake - three flakes.

"Daddy - that's not enough"
"But you know this stuff is really hot"
"I can eat it"

This went back and forth several times. I finally got exasperated and handed him the pepper jar. This is what his pizza slice looked like. I warned him that if he ate it there was nothing I could do besides get him a glass of milk while I laughed at him.

"I can eat it just like you daddy"
"OK"

He takes a bite.

"Umm Daddy - can you get me that glass of milk now?"

Another day Jo was packing for our upcoming trip. Four pairs of Vivian's shoes and three pairs of Evan's shoes lined one side of the hallway. Evan came up and asked if he could add his crocs to the pile. I agreed. Then he sat down in front and said

"Why does Vivian have more shoes?

We made him count.
"One, two, thee and four" and then
"One, two, three and four"
"See - Vivian has more shoes"

We tried again. THis time instead of counting pairs he counted shoes.
"Eight"
"Eight"
"Vivian has more shoes"

I was going crazy. Jo rearranged the shoes so that there were four groups, two pairs per group. Within each group, one pair belonged to Vivian and the other to Evan.

Same damn result.
Just as Jo and I were about to give up,
"Mommy - can I have more shoes than Vivian?"

I am writing this post many days after these events took place. We are now at Alu's. This evening at dinner, Vivian thanked Michelle for the gifts she and Alu mailed her on her birthday. I complimented Vivian on her thoughtfulness and turned to Evan.

"Evan - can you thank Aunt Michelle for your birthday gifts?"
"She didn't give me any gifts"
"Yes she did. Remember the Star Wars Legos? It came in three packets?"
"Mommy and I bought that from the store"
"No you didn't. Aunt Michelle and Uncle Alu sent that to you.

Michelle came to my rescue and pulled up her order history on Amazon and showed him where it had his name on the address and a happy birthday note.

"No - I bought that from the store"

That little turd.

Slumber Falls

Slumber Falls was Vivian's first sleep over summer camp. Three days and nights of it. How did it go? She has cried the next few nights because she misses her friends from camp.

On the dive from camp to Grandma's:

Jo: "How was camp? Did you want it to last longer or were you ready to come home early?"
Vivian:  "I wish that it lasted for six weeks"

Me: "So did you miss your little brother?"
Vivian: "No. I did not miss Evan"
Me: "A little bit?" [Evan was sitting next to her in the car]
Vivian: "Nope. Not once"

I'm thinking this child is ready for boarding school.

Land of the Free

Vivian and Evan - with time on your side you will be better judges than us now. Was this big? Or was it just another bump on the rocky road to progress?

The US Supreme Court ruled that a chain of craft stores called Hobby Lobby can tell their women employees that the company won't pay for insurance to cover certain contraceptives because it is at odds with the faith of the people who own the company. While we were distracted by the creation of a religious state in Sunni-held Iraq by Islamic extremists, nine of the best and brightest legal minds in the United States did they same here by ruling that I can impose my religion on you. As long as I hold my religious views sincerely and there are other means by which the government can compensate for the damage done.

Vivian - you survived Jesus Camp. In fact you loved it. You cried not when your mother left you there on the banks of the Guadalupe River clutching your loaned bible but when it was time to leave your camp behind. You wanted to stay "for six more weeks". You made lovely crafts at camp like this faux stained glass cross. You walk around the house humming "Jesus loves me! I know because the bible tells me so...".

But beware your prejudices. We all have them.

Because this ruling promotes our prejudices to the level of acceptable legal arguments as long as we can show the bible told us so. Sounds great if your prejudices and superstitions are widely held? No. Think about it. The courts have to get into the business of sanctioning a small set of superstitions as valid and others as invalid, thereby screwing the whole freedom of religion thing in a big way. Or you are well on your way to being dry humped by every freak out there who just needs to pretend to be a religious freak.

Or, it's just a molehill really. Just another irrational but insignificant ruling from the Supreme who? Let's party! Happy 4th of July!