Loving Brother

Evan has a very fixed idea of how to pose for a photo. For this, the "loving brother" showed up. Jo took this one morning in the front yard before school because the school needed a picture of us with the kids in their uniforms. We may make an appearance in the annual report.

Happy Thankgiving

We had a great Thanksgiving lunch at Nicolle's where Greta taught the kids how to gamble. I am thankful for Mexican lotto with pennies and beans. What about you?

The turkey behaved itself much better than last year and it turned out at least as good. The rest of the meal was superbly prepared by Nicolle, Michelle, Jo and Carol (and some people at Whole Foods). Then we watched the Longhorns lose and drove back to Carol's with Cade and Grace in addition to our two. On Friday I screwed around with the fence from hell for a little while while it drizzled intermittently. Then Jo left for Austin with out kids, I drove Cade and Grace to New Braunfels and dropped them off, picked up Devyn, and went lumber shopping to Lowe's. We drove back to Carol's, unloaded the truck in a sweaty 75 degree weather and headed for Austin. Twenty five minutes later when we were on Purgatory Road I check the temperature and it was 49 degrees. A fast moving cold front!

Later that evening Devyn sat Vivian and Evan while Jo and I went to Tina's 40th birthday party. It was a nice sit down dinner at a very nice restaurant but we only knew the hosts and Tina's parents and every one else were doctors (mostly rheumatologists, apparently) so Jo and I got a little drunk and enjoyed each other's company and then stopped at the Apothecary for another drink and made it back home after everyone was asleep. Devyn had left a note by the door. "All went great. I had a couple of melt-downs w/ Evan but got it taken care of..."

Another evening at the white wooden house.

This morning we asked Vivian and Evan how things went and if Evan had been a pain. "No. Everything was great" they both said. Lying sacks of shit.

Time Travel

This morning Evan and I went to Edward's Park. It was cold and wet and muddy. Earlier in the morning as we all lay in bed Vivian decided to call for a vote between eating tacos and watching movies at home or walking in Edward's Park. Evan and I rigged it by raising two hands and two feet each and counting Crazy's tail to make it 9 to 2 in our favor. But the others were sticklers for rules so just the two of us went to Edwards - Evan in his pj's with a coat and hat and gloves.

After we got thoroughly muddy and cold we decided to head back. Evan said it was going to take us sixty hundred thousand minutes to get back home and I told him that was a very long time (about 11 years). So he suggested we use time travel and had us imagine ourselves back in bed in the morning and the vote going 10-1 in favor of staying at home (only Crazy's tail for Edward's), and as we never left for Edward's, we would find ourselves at home in bed. All was good till I asked him how he'd explain the mud on his pajamas.

"Mannnn! Time travel is hard".

Technology

I even dislike the word they use to mean "playing with or being entertained by electronics" - it shows bias and ignorance. But it's probably here to stay. Last week Magellan had a psychologist come to school to talk to parents about their children's use of technology. He listed some of the areas of concern: too much gaming, texting and driving, multi-tasking ("there is no multi-tasking, just task switching"), cyber bullying, sexting, porn, sexual predators, and too much screen time. Nice.

The American Pediatric Association recently changed it's recommendation of zero screen time for two years and under to 2 hours a day because the APA was accused of having guidelines out of line with every day experiences of Americans. OK - you can smoke two packs a day because zero sounds too harsh.

Electronics clamor for our attention. The same instincts that made us turn around in the Savanna at the sound of a twig snapping enslaves us to the buzz of a phone. We now detect phantom buzzes - we imagine the phone buzzing when it doesn't.  Electronics reward the same places in our brains that drugs to. Dopamine released when I play sudoku on my phone makes me want to go back and play more sudoku. Not just because I want to play more sudoku but because my brain wants me to do something again and again to get its hit of dopamine. We are now mice in our Skinner boxes. The psychologist who gave the talk at Magellan used an analogy - krispy kreme donuts with crack.

But that cat is out of the bag and there is probably no reasonable scenario in the foreseeable future that will reverse the process. Oculus Rift version 5 - we will forsake food, relationships, the outdoors, our jobs, families, and even real sex for the better imaginary world to the extent that we can. The same psychologist described an Apple watch as a krispy kreme donut worn on your wrist so you can take a quick nibble any time you want.

Welcome to your world, Vivian and Evan.

The Band

On Friday after school Jo let Evan play at school with his buddies while Vivian and I hightailed it to her musical dance class. On Karen's advice I got myself this lovely cup of herbal tea and settled down to read my book on the peaceful porch of Casa de Luz while Vivian learned to do whatever she does at the Adderley dance school. By the time we fought traffic after class and got back home I noticed that it was past 5:30. I had spent the last two and a half hours bring a chauffeur. I planned on asking Vivian if she was interested enough in singing and dancing to carry on with this class the next year. But no time now. 

We rushed back out the door to the Black Star co-op to meet Jen and Travis and company at the TCS happy hour. The beer was good, the conversation even better, but the food took forever. The kids had ordered a chicken tikka and it was nice but once they had inhaled it, they were still hungry. We were faced with the prospect of another long wait if we ordered more food there, so instead we decided to stop at Stinson's by the house for a quick bite before bed.

At Stinson's we sat out on the porch with our drinks and watched a three-piece band tune up.  Vivian is inordinately interested in the base and the base player noticed that and invited her over to pluck some strings. Then we sat back down and enjoyed listening to half a dozen blues and R & B songs that the band played. Evan curled up in my arms. Vivian was beginning to look tired. We decided to head home. 

And the harmonica player asked Vivian if she wanted to sing a song and before I could react Vivian had crawled under the table in front of us and was with the band. "What should I sing?" she asked melodiously into the microphone. 

"Little boat" yelled Evan from my arms. And the band shrugged and told her to start singing and that they'd find the tune. And so Vivian belted out "Fight Song" in its entirety and did a pretty good job. Jo and I didn't have the sense to video it because we stood their with our jaws hanging, enjoying the moment. The crowd gave her a huge applause. The band asked her to join them every Friday evening. And we went home.

While the kids were putting on their pajamas, Jo told Vivian that it was a very brave thing to go out in front of all those people and sing. And Evan made sure that he got to share the credit too because he was the one who told Vivian what song to sing. And I kept my thoughts of Vivian possibly discontinuing her musical dance class to myself.

After the kids went to sleep I walked back to Stinson's to listen to some more music. When the band took a break they walked over and said that they would be better prepared and learn how to accompany Vivian in that song and if I would be kind enough to teach her a couple of blues songs. And they were kind enough to let me a take a photo. That's Gabby, Mike and Chris - Vivian's friends from the band.

Are We Fucked?

The other day NPR interviewed a reporter from Le Monde. Here she is discussing how France is dealing with the social and political backlash from the discovery of the alleged Syrian refugee-terrorist: "So that is going to be a huge debate in the press and among the politicians and the intellectuals and our writers and our artists."

Now I present to thee a snapshot of the debate in America between our politicians, intellectuals, writers and artists - brought to us via Jo's Facebook friend's feed. 

Conferences

Here's a sample of Vivian's Mandarin homework. She writes those squiggles like she knows what she's doing. Her Mandarin teacher isn't the run of the mill IB and inquiry-based learning variety. "You need to memorize things to learn Mandarin. The way you love Mandarin is by practicing ten minutes everyday". And Vivian does.

Vivian got a mixed bag at her parent teacher conference. The good news is that compared to the first part of the year she's golden. I see her strategy. Set the bar really really low and then any improvement is just fucking amazing. It's been her MO for a third year in a row. I just hope that like last year, she monotonically improves for the rest of the school year.

Evan has been found out. No more sweet Evan here. He did that the first year at Grace and then again the first year at Magellan. By the second year the truth is out. So his teachers did use the word "brilliant" and they didn't use the word "asshole" but it was definitely left hanging in the air.

Happy Birthday Ava

Ava celebrated turning nine yesterday. Like Grace she can light up a room with her smile. Though she has a slightly impish smile that makes you wonder what she is up to. Her birthday theme was camo. Camo headbands, camo table cloth, camo plates and glasses, dog tags and even face paint. The grown-ups kept joking that we couldn't see anything because it/they were all camouflaged.

The girls are smiling. The boys are a different story. Kai is grinning. Evan is really serious - this is no laughing matter. And Cade is sad - he wasn't happy about Mama Cole rubbing the grease pencil all over his face.

Hye, Texas

Last Friday, as soon as the Adderley dance class was done, Vivian, Evan and I started driving towards New Braunfels. Being rush hour, we took the back roads and stopped at the DQ in Wimberley for dinner. Over dinner Vivian asked me to write out a math problem on my phone and let her solve it. It took her a couple of attempts to get her subtraction of large numbers with carry straight. Then she said "Evan - I'm going to give you some math problems" because he had expressed that he was bored while Vivian was solving her problem. "What is six plus three?"

A few seconds of silence and a look of concentration on his face. Then "Nine".
"Good", continued Vivian, in her full teacher stride now. "Seven plus five?"
"Twelve"
"Nine plus seven?"
"Sixteen"

This went on for a little while. Then she changed tack. "Evan - there are ten signs at the Dairy Queen. Three of them stop working. How many working signs are there?"
"Seven".

I had to interject. "Evan - are you learning this at school?"
"No". But then he says that a lot. Remember when he taught himself Taekwondo and phonics when he was three?
"So how do you know to add and subtract?"
"Oh - I just count forward or backwards."

We finally got to New Braunfels and I dropped the kids off at Nicolle's and drove back to Austin. Vivian was going to spend a night there with the girls while Evan was going to join Cade, Kai and Quinn at Grandma's. Then Vivian and Evan were going to spend Saturday night at Grandma's. And Jo and I would come get them on Sunday.

On Saturday morning we went to a winery tour in Hye, Texas with friends. Jo had bid on this at the Silk Road gala for AFSAA last year. William & Chris vineyards laid out the red carpet for the tour. The owner of the Hye general store across the street brought us lunch - sandwiches made with local meats and jams. And Bill, the William in William & Chris was our guide. The best part of the afternoon was that Jo liked several of their wines. Which is terrific news for Jen and me because now maybe she'll drink with us.

A Full Lake

The lake is full again. This ramp that connects the shore to the boat dock used to drop down about 50 vertical feet at the start of this year. Then you had to take a ferry from the end of the ramp out to the dock which was anchored in the sliver of water that was the original riverbed of the Colorado. Everything else was dirt. Aaah - water.

You'll see us on Travis a lot more. After seven years I have reactivated my membership on Siyagruva (thank you Jo - it was one of my birthday gifts!). I had given it up when Vivian was about a year old and I noticed that I hadn't been out sailing for a year. My dad and I sailed quite a bit together and now it's time to bring the little ones up to speed. Ahoy!

Liberty, Equality, Fraternity

This is one of the many posts that have been circulating on Facebook. Jo grabbed it from one of her Facebook friend's shares last week for me. I am glad my eight year old and I had a conversation on logic. Apparently not everyone did.

Diwali

Diwali came and went mid-week last week without as much as a diya being lit at home. May be we'll pick some time this coming weekend and get the kids dressed in all the lovely clothes that Guri Uncle sent from Delhi and Sahiti bought for them in Hyderabad. This is what we looked like, sitting at the front steps of Preethi for Diwali in 2011.

Meanwhile, on Diwali, the Christmas cup flap was in full brew and our future president was haranguing us to boycott Starbucks for their flagrantly un-Christian ways. So I made a Diwali card. Happy Diwali, y'all.

Paris

This photo is my phone screen. It's also my phone cover. I see it a few hundred times every day. The City of Light shed some of its beautiful radiance on us for a few wonderful days during a trip a year and a half ago.

The loss of a human life so tragically is awful, made worse by the meaninglessness of it. In the 6000 mile stretch of land between Gaza and Lahore, there is death from war and terror every day. The Palestine-Israel conflict, the full fledged Yemen-Saudi-Houthi war, Lebanon's suicide bombs on Thursday, uncountable suicide bombs in Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iraq, and the cluster fuck that is Syria.

I do not change my profile photo on social media for people dying in any of those countries. So why did we collectively pause and gasp and weep at what happened on Friday night in Paris? Are Parisians sufficiently like us while Yemeni are not (ironically untrue for me). Is Paris a New York, London, or Delhi?

This morning at the breakfast table, while Vivian and Evan hurriedly gulped down omelettes and English muffins, Jo and I cautioned them about discussing the news from Paris with their class mates. 

Vivian has just finished a unit about Malala at school. She and Evan saw the movie (thanks to our neighbor!). She has some context. I asked her to put her thoughts about Paris into words at the breakfast table.

"Who did it?" was Vivian's first question.

"They think it was muslim terrorists" we replied.

We discussed the dangers of not being logical.

"Fact: These terrorists were muslims" I said. "Question: Are all muslims terrorists?"

"No - because there are other types of terrorists too I think" replied Vivian.

"That answers the question 'Are all terrorists muslim?'. Good. Let's get back to the other question.

"Are all muslims terrorists?"

"No - because there are muslims who are not terrorists". 

Easy enough for a eight year old to follow. Then she asked:

"Why did they do it?"

"Why do people go to the dark side?" I countered, because before this we had been discussing Darth Vader. 

And then she misquoted Yoda, but beautifully.
"Because they are sad. Sadness leads to fear. Fear leads to anger. And anger leads to the dark side."

Dare we hope that our children bring more peace to this world than we have.

My Week in Austin

Last Monday morning I left Alu's at 4:30am so that I arrived at JFK well ahead of my flight - so I could wait again. We finally took off and that's when I felt somewhat sure that we'd actually land in Austin about four hours later. I got a good view of Coney Island beach and the Verrazano-Narrows bridge with a long view of the Statue of Liberty (if you know where to look) and downtown Manhattan.

Earlier, on Saturday there was a Halloween party at home. Here are Cleopatra and a rather scoundrelly vampire. And some of their cousins and friends in the next photo. I can't believe I missed my favorite holiday of the year.

This year the squirrels have developed a taste for pumpkins. They have rather rabidly eaten their way into two and just started gnawing at the third. Here's Evan inspecting the squirrels' handiwork, like Inspector Clouseau. "Dees ze pimkin 'ave e lisahnze?"

While I was gone the kids had a fabulous time. They kept to some sort of schedule, ate well, and did great at school. Vivian built a model of a house that can withstand winds better and then simulated how mountains are created. Evan is moving along with his reading really well and digging around the house for simple machines. Jo warned me not to "fuck things up" when I got back. Because I'm apparently the reason why the kids don't listen at home and dick around at school :-).

But that was earlier during my absence. When Jo and I spoke before I left Hyderabad for Austin, she said "I can keep them alive till Friday but no promises after that." So when Sunday came and went and I was still nowhere to be found shit started to creep towards the fan. One particular afternoon - I think it was Saturday, Jo told the kids that they were not allowed to talk to her for the rest of the day. Another time, after she had cooked them a nice meal, Vivian insisted that Jo had not really cooked but had just "heated up" the food which lead to some unpleasantness and Jo's refusal to provide them their next meal - they were free to cook it. While I didn't get a hero's welcome or anything, I'd say everyone except Zinnia was glad to see me when I finally sauntered home on Monday evening to a wife and four kids.

I tried to settled in and not "fuck things up". We made it through the week. On Friday evening I packed for Vivian and me to go on an overnight Girl Scouts camping trip - a bunch of Magellan girls from kindergarten through third grade. There was a 100% chance of rain at the Tuckers farm where we had camped over the Memorial Day weekend storm. So I packed a couple of extra things. Still - the pile of stuff at the door was ridiculous. I can go to Denali with all my food in near freezing rainy weather for three days and live out of a sub-25 lb pack while this camping trip was catered. Yes.

It didn't rain. Vivian had a great time. Till it was time for me to leave. See that garment bag at the bottom of the pile of camping stuff. It had my suit and a white shirt and tie. I was to leave the campground at 5pm on Saturday evening, drive 50 miles back to Austin to be Jo's spouse at the Saheli/AFSSA gala and sneak back into the camp by 11pm that night. Vivian hadn't given me the time of day all day till it was time for me to leave. Then she cried and clung. So I told her that I'd take her back to Austin and bring her back in the middle of the night but she'd miss the campfire and the song and dance she had prepared. So she cried some more but decided to stay.

The Saheli gala was a great success in spite of sucky food. The organization got a lot of praises from the community for the amazing work they do and I got Jo a necklace at the live auction. I got back to the campsite in time for a couple of glasses of wine by the campfire. Most kids were fast asleep but not Vivian. I finally got her to bed after midnight. Then a car alarm went off at 3am. Then Vivian's friend woke up crying in the tent next door when she couldn't find Vivian. Then everyone was up by 6:30am. Second night with less than 4 hours of sleep. But luckily someone handed me one of those red Starbucks holiday cups (the coffee tasted less Christian) and a catered breakfast taco and the rest of the morning went off superbly.

We got back home and Vivian stumbled into her bed and passed out. Evan and I biked to Ramsey Park but the fantastic weather had drawn everyone there and it felt like a population explosion was literally in progress. So we quietly withdrew and biked around the neighborhood till my coffee high wore off and we went back home and awoke Vivian and drove to Book People for a Magellan book fair and bought every book in sight and then ate a hearty brunner (can I say that to describe a breakfast-luch-dinner?) at 24 Diner and that was the end of another week at the white wooden house. Oh - and somewhere along the way I shaved my head.

Pony Express

The Pony Express was as disruptive as any modern day start-up. It cut by half the time to send a piece of mail from the east coast to California, and ran from St. Joseph in Missouri to Sacramento. Riders used fresh horses placed in 184 stations along the 1840 mile route to ride at full gallop day and night. It was was so fast that it could only be trumped by the telegraph - which happened just two short years later in 1861.

The distance between JFK airport and Austin is approximately the same as that between St. Jo and Sacramento. If I had left by pony express when I arrived at JFK from Abu Dhabi on Friday morning I would be over a third of the way by now - much faster than Jet Blue. I am typing this on my way to Penn Station in New York by Amtrak Acela after spending Sunday at Alu and Michelle's, hoping to try and make it to Austin today. If all goes well, I will be in JFK in an hour after arriving at Penn, on a airplane three hours after that and in a certain white wooden house before the kids get back from Taekwondo this evening.

Alu's was fun. We drove to north Rhode Island across the vast state yesterday to eat amazing baked goods at a dairy farm bakery. Then we drove back and started putting away wine while sitting around the kitchen table and contemplating dinner, which eventually was really good grilled Norwegian salmon. We ate outside on the deck with candles on a mild (by New England standards, not Texas or Hyderabad) fall evening, chased it down with 10 year old Laphroaig, and chatted. Then we slept a bit and before dawn Michelle drove us to Providence where Alu took a train to Boston and I got on this one.

Here's a photo from last night or maybe a bit earlier.