Life and Less Life

Reshma sent me two raakhis - one from her to me and another for Vivian to tie on Evan.

Sometimes Reshma and I don't talk all year - but a week before the festival my raakhi arrives in the mail. So I got Vivian to tie mine on. Then it was Evan's turn. He threw a fit and said he didn't want it. Then he changed his mind and threw a fit because he wanted it. Eventually Jo got him calmed down and Vivian got the raakhi tied on to Evan's wrist. A sign of eternal sibling love and protection.

That night Grandpa had a stroke. We knew he wasn't well but didn't know what was going on till the next morning. While Vivian was at school and Evan was at Karen's, EMS came and took my dad to the hospital. CT scans revealed a big stroke. The kids came to visit him in the hospital today. I have so many thoughts swirling in my head. I haven't been able to pick through the individual threads. So here are some confused thoughts and observations instead.

Life has blurry edges. Some time back I admitted not knowing when life starts. Probably sometime between a sperm meeting an egg and a baby being born. But I say probably. The end of life is blurry too. As I type these words I'm sitting beside by dad's hospital bed. The person laying here is less alive than the one who had a late lunch on raakhi day and walked himself to bed for a nap. And more alive than when his heart beats for the final time, which is probably the end as I know it. But again I say probably.

People don't want to talk about dying. Even in hospitals where they deal with death everyday. They look down and shuffle their shoes and their words. I need to find out what happens after my dad is taken off iv's and doesn't have a feeding tube. I need the details so Jo and I can help Evan and Vivian through it. So that I can tell Alu how long he should plan to be in Austin. So that I can prepare myself. I started asking doctors this morning. The neurologist told me to ask the internal medicine doctor. She said to wait for the MRI reports. The second neurologist mumbled about my dad not being able to use the language area of his brain. The social worker said "great questions" and then punted and said I should ask the lady from the hospice. The hospice lady said she's not a nurse but that her nurse will answer my questions tomorrow morning. Even the internet - my normal source - is vague.

Vivian is a loving intelligent sensitive person. Jo or I don't sugar coat the truth for her. We left Evan sitting on Nicolle's lap and walked down the hospital hallway with Vivian. I told her that grandpa wasn't well. That he wasn't going to get better. Then I realized that I was beating around the bush and I finished with "and he's going to die soon". Vivian cried and cried. I could see the deep sadness in her face and hear it in her sobs. Her eyes looked like they were a hundred years old. I don't know if I should have handled it differently.

Evan is a bundle of love and joy. He bounced into the hospital room and filled it with happiness. He cheerfully waved and said hello to grandpa. He jumped and danced and sang. He got the nurse to get popsicles and juice for him and Vivian and sat on Nicolle and slurped his popsicle and repeatedly gave himself brain freezes. And when he saw that Vivian was sad he said that grandpa would be there forever.

Dinosaur

After we dropped Vivian off at school this morning and returned home I got on my computer and started blogging. Jo was watching a show on her computer. And Evan was playing a game on some noisy electronic console. We looked like the modern family - caught up so tightly in out own electronic social webs that we forgot to socialize with each other.

Then Ms. Mary dropped by and gave Evan a big bag of toys. In a moment our living room was turned into a dinosaur paradise. A little bit later we decided that we had had a busy morning and we should go out for lunch. On the way Evan played with his dinosaur and chatted.

"The dinosaur is going to eat everyone up" he said
"Evan - is there a dinosaur outside?" I asked
"Dinosaurs don't live here Daddy"
"Where do they live?"
"They live in the pretaceous (cretaceous) period!"

We ended up at Vivo's. Here's dino drinking water. The salsa was hot.

Town Lake

On Sunday morning we got breakfast tacos from the Shack and went down to Town Lake. The kids were feeling lazy so we parked as close to "Pine Cone" as we could and walked across the trail to the lake and sat on a bench and unwrapped our tacos. In a moment we were surrounded by turtles and ducks and grackles - the most unfortunate flock of grackles I've ever laid my eyes on. Missing legs. Shaved heads. Misshapen beaks. Poked eyes. Life must be hard if for a grackle down by Town Lake.

Later we convinced the kids to walk a bit. As we came around the bend after the boat docks we noticed that there were more people on the lake than on the trail. The invasion of the stand-up-paddlers is in full swing. Vivian and Evan want to do it too. We'll probably wait for a week or two after school starts and try it one weekend morning.

Sitter

We had plans for Saturday night. But no available sitter. And Amanda and Gordon were getting a bit anxious that we hadn't yet confirmed. So on Friday evening I called Essy.

I've seen Essy from when she was a baby and think of her as someone I "know". And I consider myself someone not easily surprised. So I was wrong on both counts when Essy opened the door. Followed by Sharon a few steps behind. Sharon had the "my-teenager-let-her-highschool-friend-bleach her-black-hair" look on her face.

Evan was asleep when we left Vivian in Essy's care. He had missed his nap and had finally crashed on the couch at 530pm. And he was asleep when we returned. But Essy said he woke up and helped himself to ginger snaps and then went back to bed. Vivian had a great evening and can't wait for Essy to return.

Gold Tooth

I'm going to be a rapper. I don't have a gold tooth yet but it's on order.

In the next phase of my tooth saga I went to visit my dentist who prepped my tooth for the crown. You can see the nice new fake roots on my tooth in the x-ray. According to him a gold crown is still the best. "If you were twenty years older and not so hard on your teeth I could suggest some alternatives" he said and then added that as I was "about 40" a non-gold tooth wouldn't last very long.

This tooth has already cost me more than a nice vacation. I hope it lasts longer than one. There has been one silver lining - I tell the kids with some authority to brush their teeth well "or you are going to end up like Daddy". And they listen.

Lecture Hall

My dad seems to be better physically than he was a year ago. But his poor brain is at least as muddled. Last week we had house guests. My friends' son is getting ready to go to college in the US and he and his parents were visiting us for a few days. My dad asked him what his name ("Abhik") meant. Turns out the lad didn't know. It's "No Fear". Then my dad recounted to Abhik how his freshman chemistry professor would ask every student their names and the meaning of their names on the very first day of class. And there was some more talk about college. Then we left for San Antonio, leaving my dad and Jo and the kids at home.

While we were drinking Mexican martinis on the Riverwalk, I got a text from Jo. She found my dad outside the front door. He was looking for Lecture Hall 1. Jo led him back upstairs. He asked again "Where is Lecture Hall 1? " When Jo clearly seemed confused he said very slowly "Patna Science College. Lecture Hall 1?"

When we returned I asked him what had happened. He said he thought he was in Patna.

"When were you in Patna?"
"From 1938 to 1944"

Yikes!

Hatch Peppers

Central Market is in the middle of it's annual Hatch Chile Pepper festival. And the kids must have heard the jingle on the radio. Because when I served them hatch peppers with their salmon and zucchini for dinner last night, Evan sang "Are you into hatch peppers?" and Vivian added "Are you really really into hatch peppers?" Here's Evan sticking his head through a hatch-pepper themed cutout at Central Market.

St. Edwards Again

I like to stay indoors in Texas from June through September. But the kids feel otherwise. So Saturday morning saw us in St. Edwards park. We quickly crossed the creek (we tried to - there's no quickly when Evan's concerned - he picks up every stick and says hello to every rolly polly) and climbed to the top of the loop trail. There the kids stopped for a quick snack and Vivian found a "Dr. Seuss flower".

Vivian walked the whole way well ahead of us all. Evan trailed behind but except for a few steps he walked it all too. Can't wait to go hiking once it cools off a bit (or somewhere cooler).

First

First day of first grade today. Vivian opted to be woken up early. By the time I had showered and made it to the kitchen she was dressed and had finished her breakfast (mini mini waffles, strawberries, chicken) and was already in trouble for wiping her strawberry stained hands down the front of her brand new school shirt.

Vivian claims her favorite subject is matematicas. She seems to understand when her teachers talk to her in Spanish. Here goes another year. Good luck!

Evan's school doesn't start for two more weeks. He doesn't like that. Neither do we.

Evan Don't Do That

Lately Evan has grown more boisterous and his ears don't listen well. On more than one occasion I have caught him jumping on Vivian's belly or shoving her around.

When I see something like that, I quickly intervene. "Evan, stop that and go to the corner." So far he has managed to avoid any repercussions for his actions. Because he seriously and carefully replies "But she loves it!"

While Mommy is Away

Shortly after we returned from Chicago Jo went off to Vancouver to hang out with the followers of Lulu. The kids and I ate out at healthy places like Amy's Ice Cream, Upper Crust Bakery and Whole Foods.

You'd think the Whole Foods trip would be at least partially healthy. I got a couple of pounds of barbecued sausage and some beef ribs and we ate. I got some wine, the kids got orange juice. While I was finishing off the meat the kids ran over to the shelves and bought a box of chocolate chocolate-chip cookies (Vivian took my credit card and paid for it at the wine bar). Then they moved to a separate table and ate almost all the cookies. A little bit later, Himanshu offered them both one tiny square of dark chocolate each. Another few minutes later we left the store and walked down to the parking garage. Evan was riding on my shoulders. As I walked towards the car I felt something warm and soft on my head. Then more of it as it overflowed and slowly dripped down my neck and on to the rest of me. Recently eaten barbecue and cookies and orange juice. I had to take my shirt off and clean Evan and my hair and as much of myself off as I could.

"Are you feeling OK, Evan?"
"Yes - I throw-ed up on you daddy"
"I noticed. You probably should have taken it easy on the cookies"
"It wasn't the cookies. It was the dark chocolate."

Shrooms

The Shahs try to help my children be better humans. They built the veggie garden and stocked it with plants. All Vivian needed to do was to water it. I notice we are still going to Central Market and Whole Foods to buy our veggies. But this next time the Shahs came up with a brilliant one - a mushroom garden. It sat in a sealed plastic bag in our fridge while we were away in Chicago. On our return I clicked on the video on youtube and consulted with Rajeeta on the phone. Vivian checked on them every day. Even Evan got into the action - showing off the mushrooms to visitors like Ava. Ten days later the kids had their science experiment and I had a huge harvest of the tastiest shiitake mushrooms.

Borrowed Photo

About a month ago Red Black Gym hosted a  Friday evening friendly competition. There was a professional photographer at hand. He took this photo of Vivian and Evan and Ava. I thought I should post it because it's so much better than anything I manage with my iPhone camera (though it isn't the equipment that makes the difference).

Turtles and Ducks

This morning before our house guests were up we took some bread and went down to Barton Creek to feed the turtles and fishes and ducks and birds. Evan ended the proceedings abruptly when he reached into the bag and grabbed all the bread and threw it into the creek. Vivian shrieked. The waters roiled with feeding seething biomass. "Why?" I asked him.

"Because I wanted to." Not very explanatory. But fair enough.

Yesterday or the day before we were on the other side of Town Lake from Barton Creek at sunset. A duck hopped out of the water and started following us like a dog. He even wagged his tail. Vivian and Evan were just as fascinated with him as he was with them. Vivian named him Old Red Nose and wanted to be his friend. Evan wanted to eat him.

Root Problem

This time last year I had to visit the dentist. I had chipped a molar and it was sensitive to cold. The dentist patched it up and gave me a referral to an specialist. I ignored it. On my next visit I asked his hygienist what symptoms would indicate that I need a root canal. "Oh - it will probably start with a ear ache. Then an excruciating tooth ache and a head ache from the top of your head to your neck. And then your jaw will swell up" she said while flossing my canines.

All that happened on my second morning in Chicago. Jo and the kids hadn't yet arrived - so our vacation hadn't even started. I bought a bottle of Advil at the Walgreens (there are more Walgreens per square inch of downtown Chicago than anything else). I panicked when I realized that four Advils every six hours wasn't doing the trick. That night I looked at the hotel bed side clock about every 15 minutes, waiting pitifully for five or six hours to pass so I could snarf down more Advil.

On Tuesday morning, three days later and less that 9 hours after being back in Austin I was in my dentist's chair. He took one look and gave me a referral to a doctor he considered Austin's best endodontist (I had to wikipedia that word - a dentist who specializes in the treatment of the tooth pulp).

Another 24 hours later the left side of my face was numb and two faces were peering at me, one of them through a binocular microscope. A normal procedure at a dentist - which is one of the miracles of modern medicine - felt like someone stomping his foot outside while the Bolshoi played inside. This guy must have at times switched instruments 10 times a minute and many were tiny needles held by forceps. An hour later he said he was done and showed me the before and after x-rays. My face and head felt better already.

What would I have done a mere hundred years ago*? Probably tried to rip my head off. Or jump off a tree. While it's great to know what happened an instant after the Big Bang I suddenly find myself grateful to applied science. And angry at those that oppose science because they feel religiously inferior.

*or if I didn't have a thousand bucks to blow or I couldn't get access to the procedure for so many other reasons

Brunch

On Sunday we met my cousin Dona for brunch at Yolk. There was a half hour wait which gave us a chance to chat outside. The food was good (I didn't sample the red velvet french toast - but that's got to be something else) as was the service. The conversation was great though it had to be conducted at the top of our voices. As Dona noted, being Indian, we're good at that. When we came back out, we asked Partha to take a group photo. Evan refused to look at the camera. Then he scowled. And finally he entertained us all the way to the metro station.

White Wooden Home

This is Evan doing his disappearing trick at the hotel in Chicago. "Daddy - where is Evan?" Over and over and over again. And it's still adorable.

Then he stopped and said "Daddy - I want to go home".

"Why - are you not having fun?"
"I am having fun."
"And did you have fun with your cousins in Nebraska?"
"I had fun with my cousins in Mebraska."
"Are you having fun with Vivian and Partha in Chicago?"
"I am. But when are we going home? To our wooden white home with Crazy and Grandpa in it?"

The poor lad has always been a homey. Even when he's at home. "Evan - lets go get ice cream." "Mommy - can I stay at home?" It's not a good fit for him - stuck in a band of happy wannabe nomads.

But the recent bout of travel - Austin - Kansas City - Topeka - Falls City - Chicago - had left him breathless. He had stayed in a log cabin outside Falls City. And now at this hotel in Chicago. And he wanted to make sure that we didn't confuse his desire to go home with one of these. He wanted his real home. The white wooden one with Crazy and Grandpa in it.

His Her Their and Our

From August two years ago to last August our family traveled as one. Then I got my dad over and since then we have had Her, Their, and Our vacations. For an Our to happen someone needs to mind my dad.

Chicago is Our No. 3. Alu and Michelle reached Austin on the morning of July 31 (thanks!). I left for Chicago the next morning. Due to an untimely event in Jo's family, she and the kids were already in Nebraska and would fly into Chicago the night after. And due to another untimely event in India, Sharath wouldn't be able to make it to Chicago. Partha and Sahiti would arrive in Chicago the same day I did but a few hours later. Capiche?

Which suddenly meant that Our becomes a His and an Our vacation. Ok - the His part only lasts a few hours, but still. I spent it at the Art Institute. I wandered through the Renzo Piano new wing for about half of it and in the American collection for the other half. Amazing and blissful.

This is a Peter Blume from the mid 40's that was commissioned to hang in the Falling Water house. One of the so many amazing paintings.

Stripes

One morning we stepped out of our hotel in Chicago looking like thus. Evan and I were not in stripes and pretended we weren't with the multi-colored zebra herd.

Children's Museum

After the much-hyped Chicago architectural boat tour (too little architecture, too much hot air) that started and ended at the Navy Pier, the kids had lunch at the most overcrowded MacDonald's I've ever seen. And it wasn't because it was small. Then Jo suggested we take the kids to the Chicago Children's Museum - and that saved the day.

We were a the children's museum for a little over three hours. We could have easily taken twice as long and the kids would still have begged to stay longer. I didn't get a lot of photographs. The kids enjoyed the fire fighting / safety area, the structural building area, water works (where Vivian still got drenched in spite of wearing a waterproof jacket), the rain forest trail (or something like that), Kidsville (or perhaps Kid's Town), the dinosaur dig (look - I found the head), and the bugs area.

There was a faux-skeleton of the only known specimen of a Suchomimus (crocodile imitator). And Evan stood there and spoke to himself. "Hmm - not very long neck. Big head. Sharp teeth. Big claws. This is a carnivore. But it's not a T-Rex."

I was impressed. All those wasted hours watching the "Dinosaur Train" are good for something. Then Evan went to the rain forest area and deputed two pretty girls to go fetch the balls that he tossed down a ramp.

Bean

We spent a few minutes at the Bean in Chicago. The kids hammed it up and posed for photos. Till the end when I asked for a family photo by which time Evan had enough and did his paparazzi avoidance move.

The Bean, officially known as Cloud Gate was is designed by Anish Kapoor - my fellow countryman. It is supposedly inspired by a drop of mercury. I had a good time observing how grown ups and children interacted with it. No surprise that it has become Chicago's second most popular attraction. You can't help touching it.

Wannabe Hypo

Evan loves his chewable vitamins. He eats his quickly and then tries to steal Vivian's. And from that stems his love for all medicines and his efforts and tactics to try and get more meds.

The other day Vivian complained of a ulcer in her mouth. We were waiting for our table in a restaurant in Chicago. I happened to have an oral numbing medicine and cotton swabs in the car (that's another story). So I got them from the car and treated Vivian in the lobby area.  As soon as I finished, Evan jumped in front of her and complained that he too needed some medicine. I asked what was wrong. "I have the hiccups, Daddy", he moaned. And then made a fake hiccuping sound and looked back expectantly.

The previous day my tooth that needed a root canal a year before (that I had ignored) had started acting up. When we came down for breakfast that morning at our hotel, Jo wanted to take a picture of my swollen face because she thought it looked funny (I didn't). You can see Evan photo bombing me and puffing one cheek out to show that he was suffering too.