The other day, Vivian grabbed two pieces of baby cereal/finger food and shoved them into her mouth. For a second, she choked on one. Then she was fine.
In that second, a whole bunch of scenarios crossed my mind. One obviously was - what if she never started breathing again and we couldn't fix it? The thought existed for a fraction of a second, but it was so intense that I felt real sadness for a while (I only realized the connection when examined my thoughts).
I am not given to worry. I don't think about death much. If life goes as it should and my baby outlives me, I will still occasionally feel the pain of her imagined loss. When something is this precious, there is hurt even in the perfect world. Now, that's a pain. Kid, you had better be worth all this. Oh, and Jo - we need to schedule that baby CPR class.
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