Asking for Money

Vivian has officially launched her first fundraising effort - asking friends and family to contribute by promising to walk or run an entire marathon over the next three months or so. The money will be used to build a technology lab at her school. In the first few days the support she has received as been great. She and I thank you for that.

Without doubt this will not be a unique occurrence. So it's probably best to face the issue head on with some intellectual honesty.

When Vivian joined the private school she attends we were warned that there would be fundraising. I have been involved in philanthropic fundraising for more than a decade now and I thought I could use some of that experience - though this isn't philanthropic. Raising funds for medically fragile children with multiple disabilities is one thing. I have had no qualms about hitting up my friends for the Rosedale Ride for years. But asking people to pay for my own child's education is an entirely different fish.

Why does a private school need donations? Because it can't cover all it's expenses through tuition and fees. Why not? Because that would require raising the tuition even higher - beyond the comfortable reach of many families and certainly beyond the reach of scholarship and financial aid students. By shifting the burden to donations, some families are asked to pay more than others. Understandably there are a lot of grumbling parents - aren't we paying thousands of dollars already? You want more?!

This year the fundraising gurus at Vivian's school decided to add another component - an effort that would raise a small fraction of the money from the community of family and friends of the students. In theory this would slightly lessen the burden on the parents but in practice further shortfalls mean that the parents pay and the community pays.

We as parents can short-circuit this effort by sending in a check from us to cover this fundraising goal too. But here are a couple of reasons that make me believe that it wouldn't hurt Vivian to ask you for your support.

The actual business of asking - of making the video, of answering questions, of pursuing vague promises to actions - requires a level of commitment and focus on Vivian's part that is new to her. Yesterday she did some dry runs on Grandma. This evening we were eating dinner out on the deck. Vivian was sitting next to Grandma. We had not discussed fundraising for many hours. Suddenly she asked "So Grandma - are you going to give me some money?" I had to smile.

Vivian doesn't often have to rely on the generosity of other people. But like anyone, she can only do so much on her own. And she can do so much more with a little help. By asking with dignity and humility and accepting with thanks she will learn some very important lessons. And through the act of receiving she will understand the act of giving so much better.

So she's a rich kid asking for funds for her private school. Or an entrepreneur making the rounds of  Sandhill Road. Or a politician stumping for campaign funds. Or a community supporter raising money for philanthropy.  Or a Buddhist monk with a begging bowl.