Girls

This evening I went to a talk at Vivian's school about girls and their friendships and relationships and bullying and all that stuff. Jo wanted to go. Because we hadn't signed up for childcare, only one of us could. I told her that she probably intuitively knew most of this stuff while it was all foreign to me. So I got to go. One of six dads in a sea of mothers.

Growing up with a brother as my only sibling and attending an all boy's school and then an almost all male engineering college in the middle of a literal desert hasn't prepared me well to raise a girl. My mother was a doctor in a profession and a world dominated by men and she taught me to think that any one can do anything, and in the process minimized the differences between genders. It was much much later when I read "Men are from Mars..." that I came to realize that there is a whole school of thought that men and women are psychologically different. I couldn't read past the introduction because the author ran out of steam and kept repeating himself (or herself - sorry - I don't remember). So my relationships, including that with my lovely wife are based on an almost complete ignorance of the female mind. All I've learned over the last half a century is that the female mind works differently from mine and that it's a lot more complex.

Today I learned that girls form intense relationships with each other. I imagine like boys do with our stuff. They are scared of being isolated. They can be mean. I knew that. They don't want me to judge their friends or friendships. I'll have to work hard at this because isn't that what we've learned by putting in our time - to be able to make correct snap judgements. I learned that I shouldn't trivialize her problems by saying stupid and insensitive things. That I can't be hypersensitive and I need to give her the space to have her own feelings and to develop her own tools and skills needed to make and keep friends. And I learned the obvious things. Listen and ask, don't tell. Teach and show the golden rule. Communicate often. Be open.

Long road ahead.