Vivian and Evan are having a terrific summer together - every second of every day for a month with just each other.
A pretty good summer together.
Oh hell - a summer together and there's still two of them. So there's the occasional situation. Yesterday we went for a walk down a trail. Vivian wore her hoodie backwards for fun so the zipper went down her back and she could put the hood all the way over her face if she wanted to. Evan came around and punched her in the mouth through the hood. Usually Evan would have been in trouble. I told her "Why don't you punch him in the face then?"
And Evan took off running down the trail with Vivian in hot pursuit. When she did catch him he used his arms to protect his face. So she grabbed him by his arms and yelled "Daddy - hold him while I punch him". I declined. And he ran faster.
Eventually the trail ended at a closed gate and Vivian got Evan in the mouth. He was indignant for a moment. Then he wanted it to be a game and do it all over again. By then Jo had already commented on my parenting. So I said no.
Another time yesterday Evan kept repeating something irrational and idiotic to Vivian till she lost it. They weren't mean things. We were walking down for lunch to town from the hotel. Vivian asked how far we had gone and Evan pointed to a biulding up ahead and said "Vivian - look there's our hotel". When it seemed to bug her he pressed home his advantage and said it over and over and over and over again. Vivian eventually burst into tears. Jo calmed her down and explained that she shouldn't let unimportant external factors get to her so easily and I added that her brother was put there to help her practice.
In a simple analysis, Evan is often a turd and Vivian lets her emotions get easily influenced by others.
But these moments are the exception. Vivian and Evan have played well together and entertained each other endlessly. In fact too well most of the time. They roughhouse with each other boisterously and physically and mostly joyously. About the worst thing one can do to Evan is to tell him ha can't play with Vivian. He wouldn't do well in solitary.
The other evening we found out what's the second worse thing you could do to Evan.
Jo has instituted a system of three strikes. Three strikes in a day and you can't do anything fun for the rest of that day (like using the iPad or eating desserts or other things Jo dreams up). This has mostly worked well - even though they immediately started trying to game the system by asking what would happen if they got a third strike late in the day. Answer - a third strike from dinner time onwards and the no fun rule continues for the entire next day.
A couple of days ago was the first three striker - Evan got his third just before dinner. He was miserable. So miserably intolerable that no one ordered dessert. Either out of sympathy or because we didn't want to push him over the edge and then deal with it.
I saw a bleak day up ahead for us all and pulled back and told Evan the no-fun rule only applied for that night. Jo consoled him. Tomorrow was going to be fun again. But he went to sleep an unhappy man. When he woke up next morning after about a minute he remembered and yelled happily "I'm back in the fun zone!"
The kids have begun whining. Like the much-cliched "When will we get there?" You travel for a month and this question could come up a lot. And it does. If I remember, this is what got them the three-strike rule. Excessive and repeated whining.
That night after Evan got three strikes he still whined excessively.
"Please can I watch a movie?"
"No you can't"
"Please please can I watch a movie"
"Evan- three strikes. No fun. Maybe tomorrow. Stop repeating yourself"
"I can't help it. Please can I watch a movie?"
Repeat manically and endlessly once every 10 seconds.
I counted out three nice big brass 20 krone coins and put them next to Evan and explained "Every time you ask I'm going to take one coin from here and put it there. When all three coins are over there you get a strike for tomorrow. Understand?" Recklessly I was willing to mortgage tomorrow's happiness for a few minutes of peace today.
He stopped and eyed me coldly and said "Daddy - can you make it four coins?" Without a word I added another coin. And he never repeated himself after that. Not once.
Lessons learned: First, even when Evan is being a crazy bastard, there is a calm negotiator somewhere within. Second, unless you want everyone else to be fucking miserable, don't give Evan three strikes.. Third, shorter vacations. Every second of every day for a month with your kids is a very long time.
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