Remember I said it was past time for The Talk? Jo ordered the books. They arrived. Our evenings have been crazy so we haven't had time to sit and read the books with Vivian and Evan. So I decided to jumpstart the discussion.
Me: "Vivian - you say that your skin color is a mixture of your mother and mine. How did you get my color?"
Vivian: "Because you are my daddy".
Me: "Right. But how did my color get to you?"
Vivian: "I don't know"
Me: "How did you get half of your color from your mommy?"
Vivian: "Because mommy made me in her belly"
Me: "Good. Now think about how you got my half"
She pondered. I told her to mull it over and we'd talk about it in a few days. That was Sunday afternoon. Monday afternoon on the way back from school:
Vivian: "Daddy - I think I know"
Me: "Know what?"
Vivian: "I got your skin color when you kissed mommy and she got your germs"
Me: "Close but no cigar"
Vivian: "Then how?"
Me: "You are correct in that a part of me had to get to mommy to make you"
Vivian: "How?"
I looked at her face in the mirror to judge her reaction. And carefully said: "When two people love each other and want to make a baby, they lay close to each other and the man puts his penis in the woman's vagina. A part of the man called a sperm goes into the woman and joins her egg. If all goes well the egg starts growing into a baby."
Vivian "What if everything doesn't go well?"
Me: "Usually the mother just pees out the sperm and egg thing then."
Vivian: "What's the sperm?"
Me: "It's the father's genetic information."
Vivian: "Like a very small version of you?"
Me: "Not really but for now you can say that"
Thoughtful look on her face. Silence. Some tugging of her lower lip. Then: "Is there any other way?"
Me: "The short answer is no. Every mammal and bird and most other animals and every man, woman, and child on earth was born this way".
Vivian: "Yuck".
We are home and she runs out of the car to play. Two days later, today on the way back from school we are chatting about her upcoming project on stars. Abruptly,
Vivian: "So you can't make a baby without a daddy?"
Me: "No. Just as you can't without a mommy. The sperm and egg are like a lock and a key. Each just sits there without the other."
Vivian: "What if you are adopted and have no daddy and just one mommy?"
Me: "What do you think?"
Vivian: "So a daddy and mommy made the baby. And then she is adopted."
Me: "Yes"
Vivian: "And so the real mommy and daddy are...?"
Me: "...the ones who made the baby or the one who raise the baby?"
Vivian: "The ones who raise the baby ?"
In one swoop she mastered the concepts of sexual reproduction and adoption. Before her seventh birthday. Not too shabby. Now we just need to keep her focused on the "Yuck" aspect till she's 30.
Me: "Vivian - you say that your skin color is a mixture of your mother and mine. How did you get my color?"
Vivian: "Because you are my daddy".
Me: "Right. But how did my color get to you?"
Vivian: "I don't know"
Me: "How did you get half of your color from your mommy?"
Vivian: "Because mommy made me in her belly"
Me: "Good. Now think about how you got my half"
She pondered. I told her to mull it over and we'd talk about it in a few days. That was Sunday afternoon. Monday afternoon on the way back from school:
Vivian: "Daddy - I think I know"
Me: "Know what?"
Vivian: "I got your skin color when you kissed mommy and she got your germs"
Me: "Close but no cigar"
Vivian: "Then how?"
Me: "You are correct in that a part of me had to get to mommy to make you"
Vivian: "How?"
I looked at her face in the mirror to judge her reaction. And carefully said: "When two people love each other and want to make a baby, they lay close to each other and the man puts his penis in the woman's vagina. A part of the man called a sperm goes into the woman and joins her egg. If all goes well the egg starts growing into a baby."
Vivian "What if everything doesn't go well?"
Me: "Usually the mother just pees out the sperm and egg thing then."
Vivian: "What's the sperm?"
Me: "It's the father's genetic information."
Vivian: "Like a very small version of you?"
Me: "Not really but for now you can say that"
Thoughtful look on her face. Silence. Some tugging of her lower lip. Then: "Is there any other way?"
Me: "The short answer is no. Every mammal and bird and most other animals and every man, woman, and child on earth was born this way".
Vivian: "Yuck".
We are home and she runs out of the car to play. Two days later, today on the way back from school we are chatting about her upcoming project on stars. Abruptly,
Vivian: "So you can't make a baby without a daddy?"
Me: "No. Just as you can't without a mommy. The sperm and egg are like a lock and a key. Each just sits there without the other."
Vivian: "What if you are adopted and have no daddy and just one mommy?"
Me: "What do you think?"
Vivian: "So a daddy and mommy made the baby. And then she is adopted."
Me: "Yes"
Vivian: "And so the real mommy and daddy are...?"
Me: "...the ones who made the baby or the one who raise the baby?"
Vivian: "The ones who raise the baby ?"
In one swoop she mastered the concepts of sexual reproduction and adoption. Before her seventh birthday. Not too shabby. Now we just need to keep her focused on the "Yuck" aspect till she's 30.
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